So long, and thanks for all the pish

The Guardian’s golfing correspondent, Sevvie Bull-As-Stories, has been at it again, trying to hit Scottish independence into the long grass with a mighty whack from his Pinocchio nose. According to Sevvie, who is rapidly acquiring a reputation as the Alan Cochrane of Islington Towers, evil alien lizard overlord Alicsammin has threatened to turn his death ray on the poor EU’s fishing rights, leaving Brussels cowering in terror at his shameful piscine bullying.

In the clickbait that constituted Sevvie’s article, Alicsammin threatened to exclude 12 EU member states from Scottish fishing waters if an independent Scotland is excluded from the EU. Sevvie cherry picked parts of the speech Alicsammin delivered in Bruges on Monday in order to make out that he was threatening devastation for the rest of the EU if they don’t grant Scotland membership. It’s possibly the first time that we’ve seen trolling and trawling simultaneously, at least in the pages of the Guardian.

You can read the entirety of the Bruges speech here. It’s remarkably light on bullying and threats, and doesn’t contain any passages along the lines of “Bow before me puny humans.” Of course we may have missed those, what with us being under the influence of Alicsammin’s hypno-ray.

But all that happened in real life, as opposed to the fervid imagining of Sevvie, was that it was quite reasonably pointed out that if Scotland is excluded from the EU, as has been threatened repeatedly by the UK Government and its allies, then the EU deprives itself of access to Scottish fishing grounds – which contain some 20% of EU fish reserves. He also made the point that EU access to Norwegian waters depends on reciprocal arrangements with the UK, which granted Norway access to Scottish waters. If the EU were to exclude Scotland from membership, they also exclude themselves from access to Norwegian waters.

This is considerably less of a threat than “we’re not going to let you use the pound”, or “we’re considering annexation if you persist in trying to get rid of Trident”. However in Guardianland, it is bullying to point out that Westminster’s threats have consequences for Westminster which might be as unpalatable as a two week old fish supper.

Sevvie doesn’t attempt to explain the logical consequence of his own chain of thought – just why should Scotland continue to allow EU nations access to Scottish fishing waters if the EU has excluded Scotland from the EU and won’t allow Scottish trawlers access to EU waters? Should we continue to allow EU trawlers into our waters out of the kindness of our internationalist hearts then?

Sevvie doesn’t attempt an explanation because there is no logical basis to his argument. Except that is, the logical basis of stirring up as much mud as possible from the murky depths in the hope that some of it will stick on the yes campaign. OOOooooh see that Alicsammin. He’s a BAD man who’s going to stop lickle kiddies in England from getting their fish fingers. If you vote for him you’ll be bad too. See that small child plaintively clutching an empty box of Findus? That’s your fault that is, nasty cybernat. That’s the only logic Sevvie needs.

Memo to Sevvie: This hasn’t worked up until now. What makes you think it’s going to start working now that you and your pals have already blown their credibility with currency threats, warnings of alien invasions, and the cataclysm facing Western civilisation if Scotland votes for independence?

I suspect that Sevvie himself neither knows nor cares. He’s struck on a reliable formula which will ensure that the Guardian keeps commissioning more articles from him. Stirring up hatred for Scotland amongst the swivel eyed loons of UKIP who have descended on the Guardian like a purple rash ever since the Telegraph had a bonfire of their commenting rights vanities is a price well worth paying.

I can’t wait until September, then we can tell Westminster, the Guardian, and Severin Carrell – so long, and thanks for all the pish.



20 comments on “So long, and thanks for all the pish

  1. smiling vulture says:

    Horrible Histories


  2. That was an excellently crafted and very statesmanlike speech today from AS in Bruges. Must be giving BT cold sweats and spine-crunching tremors to watch the quality they are up against. All they can swat the rational arguments away with are bluster and lies.

    And yes, Eck too can indulge in a little judicious scaremongering — but he does it in a much classier and refined way than the BT lot, or certain of the EU lot.

  3. Les Wilson says:

    Once more, a good article that says it as it is.

  4. chicmac says:

    To carry on the HHGTTG theme, wouldn’t it be great if we could, like the Golgafrinchans, having lured all the most useless of society, the estate agents, the stockbrokers, the bankers, etc. into the SE of Britain, send them off into space (with the promise that we will be right behind them on the next ship)?

  5. Iain says:

    I couldn’t help imagining the sort of speech that would have been delivered by alternative FMs such as Willie Rennie, Johann Lamont or Ruth whatever her surname is (the blue Tory one). Or by Westminster’s rep in Scotland, Carmichael, or Margaret Curran. I could imagine Curran enthusing about her new tumble drier or how great her new cleaning lady is, and that’s about as good as it gets. Rennie might wish for more sunshine, and Ruth might talk in a voice full of light and shade. Lamont might look askance at all the foreigners in the room and Carmichael might burp. They’re really not national legislature material.

  6. […] So long, and thanks for all the pish. […]

  7. chicmac says:

    For an upset stomach, nothing acts faster than anodyne, except Wullie Rennie.
    If you want an upset stomach really fast he’s yer man.

  8. liz says:

    I used to be a regular guardian reader and commenter on CiF but no more.

    I still sometimes read the articles like the one mentioned although I should stop as it gives them more numbers for their advertising but I will not comment anymore.

    I’m still miffed about Polly Toynbee thinking it is acceptable to class Scottish Mps as 2nd class – although obviously a lot of the SLAB ones are – that in the event of a No they should be forever banned from high office in the UK.

    And this from someone who claims to be a liberal and feminist, it’s outrageous.

    As for Sev he is an above line troll.

  9. A representive sampling of Severin’s output as the Gruniad’s SCOTLAND CORRESPONDENT yielded 18% favourable to indy, 4% neutral and 78% negative

    What is galling is that when the WOS subway fracas erupted, Carrell took to Twitter and later to his column to condem the suggestion that the media was other than scrupulously fair in its treatment of YES.

    The whole brouhaha about this speech and the Putin remarks, highlight once again that the only threat to a vote in favour of independence is the media.

    Little of the vacuous, cack-handed scripting of Darling, the CBI, et al, would have currency were it not for the Unionists monopoly of the channels of communication through which this propaganda is deceminated.

    Salmond gets eviscerated for some reasonable pre-Crimea comments he made about Putin.

    Cameron is all over Putin like a cheap suit to get him to knife Scotland publically as part of a quid pro quo, and the there’s a virtual blackout in the MSM.

    He pressures 34 countries including Putin’s Russia to disparage Scots ability to run their own affairs. Only the Herald does the story justice.

    Daft George Robertson INVITES Putin post Crimea, to join NATO – no one bats and eye.

    The Unionist campaign to continue the three centuries annexation of Scotland by England would be dead in the water now, were it not for their total control of that delivery system.

  10. macart763m says:

    I don’t think I’ll be able to forgive the press for their actions in this campaign. Several of us posted links to the actual speech, what was said and in what context. Needless to say it bore little resemblance to what was reported and how it was reported. The deliberate distortion and language used left no doubt as to the two authors intent.

    Shameful stuff and pretty awful. Making money on the back of spreading animosity and mistrust. Whipping up those with grudges into spreading even more muck.

    Just grim.

    • Both of what Christian and you say mac is of course perfectly correct, and as far as I am concerned you can add to that bunch the “proud scots”, who take every opportunity a compliant media gives them, and there are plenty, to denigrate our country. These people will not be forgotten, no matter what the outcome of the referendum. Until this business was under way, I didn’t realise just how many fifth columnists we had in our midst, bur now I certainly do. What I cannot understand is their mindset, and what satisfaction they get from trying to undermine a democratic process with their continual lies and deceit. And I very much fear, even after a Yes vote and we become an independent country, this “pish”, will still continue. But at least then we will be able to stick two fingers up to then, as against all the odds, we won.

  11. Helena Brown says:

    I used to write to both the Guardian and the Independent, the Guardian has definitely changed over the years I am no longer commenting unless someone inadvertently gives me a link, I just will not give them the advertising. I think all the Newspapers will have a very hard time with us Scots from now on. I no longer believe a word of what I am told, I rely on people like you and Stu and Derek et al. What we are fed is propaganda and they can quite definitely keep it.

  12. Thomas William Dunlop says:

    I am always tempted to misspell his name a Sleverin.

    He disnae like that I got modded quickly the last time I did. So in order to protect my right to comment I avoid it

  13. “stokes considerable fear in our hearts.”
    You couldn’t make it up. Oops, I think someone just has!

  14. chicmac says:

    If the secret indy mole theory is correct, his name should be spelled Severing.

  15. JGedd says:

    Remember playground spats? ( I’m talking Primary not Secondary.) With girls,these confrontations were rarely physical but that didn’t stop aggressiveness being demonstrated, usually as incoherent rants in which, verbally, everything would be thrown in but the kitchen sink.

    In these encounters, the most aggressive would screech the loudest and hurl the most insults no matter how absurd. Logic didn’t come in to it. It was quantity which counted, not quality, in the hope of influencing the gathering audience to their side.

    I often get the impression – when observing some journalistic output, as well as that of the No side that they shout for – that I’m back in the Infants’ playground again. Vocabulary might be more extensive (sometimes) but the technique seems to be the same.

  16. Frank Hughes says:

    Can we stop using the term Scottish Media because it’s just NOT Scottish? Instead, how about Media in Scotland whose acronym – MINS – accurately describes the crap journalism they purvey?

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