There is nothing that you could ever say to me now that I could ever believe

On the weekend when Project Fear ought to have been gloating about a plummeting yes vote after Osborne’s currency veto, Barroso’s intervention on the EU, and the announcement of Labour’s devo proposals, they are instead searching for the Tory minister who crapped all over a stumbling no campaign and destroyed what little credibility they have left. Well I say stumbling. Like when you stumble off the edge of a 300 foot cliff onto the jagged rocks below. The last couple of weeks couldn’t have been worse for them.

Labour is sinking into the quagmire of devo proposals that not even their own front bench can understand, the arguments and recriminations have barely started. The party’s UK poll lead over the Tories has shrunk to 1%, making it unlikely that they will form the next government, so their devo-nothing proposals are not even likely to get as far as being eviscerated in Westminster committee hearings. Johann has gone back into hiding, leaving Jackie Baillie to attack Alicsammin at FMQs for “standing shoulder to shoulder with the Tories” only for him to helpfully point out that Labour sits down and dines with them. Jackie is going to be a speaker at a Cowal Conservatives lunch.

The Lib Dem conference was notable only for the fact that a couple of leading party members announced their intention to vote yes while the Lib Dems continue to plummet in the polls. The European elections are looming, and the anti-Scottish UKIP looks set to do well, giving voters in the referendum another reason to reject Westminster politics.

Yes campaigners have been chuckling away all weekend at the self-inflected wounds of Better Together. Schadenfreude is the evil twin of a good laugh, it is wrong to take pleasure in the misfortunes of others. Fortunately there is a special dispensation when the misfortune is suffered by people who have engaged in underhand and deceitful behaviour, only to learn a very hard lesson in Buddhist philosophy. Project Fear’s bad karma ran over their currency dogma and Danny Alexander’s annoying wee yap lies pancake shaped on the A9.

Translated from the original Pali, the law of karma says that if you spend your days throwing turds, everything you touch will get covered in crap. Following the news that even a Tory minister doesn’t believe Osborne’s sterling threat, Better Together makes the lavvy in a dysentry ward look hygienic.

The currency threat formed the centrepiece of Project Fear, the big scary story that all the other little scare stories hang from like dangleberries on an unwiped arse. It lived up to Better Together’s expectations in one important respect. They wanted a game-changer, and it was. It just didn’t change things in their preferred direction.

We now learn the currency threat was the invention of Alistair Darling, who was one of the main players presiding over the last Labour government’s economic implosion, and a Scots Tory advisor called Andrew Dunlop who had a big hand in that other Westminster success story, the Poll Tax. They’re Proud Scots but. They’re only trying to threaten, bully and scare Scots shitless because they love us so much. They call it tough love, the rest of the world calls it abuse. If Westminster was a parent, social services would have swept down and taken Scotland into the safety of a foster home.

Tory backbenchers are beelin that a former Labour Chancellor is influencing Tory Treasury policy. It’s not that they have any greater understanding of the nature of the Scottish debate, they’re just annoyed that they didn’t get the chance to screw Scotland over first. But the cracks in the no campaign’s fragile façade are now wide open, exposing the nasty germs on the dirty toilet seat they want Scotland to sit on.

The Secretary of State for Scare Stories has had a busy weekend on janitorial duties, rushing from tv studio to tv studio with a bottle of Osborne own brand mind bleach and doing an impression of bog paper, denying that the leak came from anyone important and the person doesn’t know what they’re talking about anyway. The problem is that the person he’s talking about is a senior Tory minister. Better Together’s defence of their discredited currency threat rests on persuading Scotland that Coalition ministers don’t know what they’re talking about, which we had kinda already figured out for ourselves.

Demonstrating only that there may be some truth in the theory of nominative determinism, Karmamightkill delivered the message with the look of a man who knew that his excuses were on a par with “the dog ate my homework”, only with less chance of being believed by the teacher. Although to be fair, that’s the look he’s always got, but now he’s covered with suspicious brown stains as well.

It’s too late. From now on in, every claim from Project Fear, every scare, every threat, can be countered by pointing out that even their own inner circle don’t believe them, so why should anyone else. Scotland switched off when the threat was first made, and with every attempt to retrieve the situation, Alistair has only made it worse. Karma has killed.

You can only lie to people so often before they stop listening. The leading lights of the naw campaign ought to understand that better than most. Gordon Brown’s words to Tony Blair in 2004 have come back to haunt the Better Together campaign, and will set the tone from now until September.

“There is nothing that you could ever say to me now that I could ever believe.”


12 comments on “There is nothing that you could ever say to me now that I could ever believe

  1. […] On the weekend when Project Fear ought to have been gloating about a plummeting yes vote after Osborne's currency veto, Barroso's intervention on the EU, and the announcement of Labour's devo propo…  […]

  2. macart763 says:

    “The Guardian story also revealed that the joint statement ruling out monetary union had been imposed on the Treasury by the leaders of the Better Together campaign, notably the former Labour chancellor Alistair Darling.”

    The quote fresh from the Graun.

    So what is it? Either Westminster is making the decisions or the failed former chancellor is.

    Either way they’re looking fairly incompetent and their credibility has just taken a firm kick in the haw maws.🙂

  3. […] There is nothing that you could ever say to me now that I could ever believe […]

  4. JGedd says:

    Wow, scathing commentary as always on the Better Together tumshies. Always enjoy the ” themed” metaphors you employ though this time it did make me a wee bit queasy! (Just because it was after Sunday lunch.) Well-directed scatological humour though, because what emanates from Westminster usually turns the stomach. This time someone has really filled their breeks. We can stand back and laugh at the mess – from a distance, holding out noses.

  5. Les Wilson says:

    As I have mentioned before, do not believe ANYTHING the Unionist parties say, their goal is to keep Scotland under Westminster’s yoke. So if you just discount anything they say, you will then understand everything they spin. Added bonus, no fretting and you will sleep at night.

  6. smiling vulture says:

    Project Fear’s bad karma ran over their currency dogma and Danny Alexander’s annoying wee yap lies pancake shaped on the A9.


  7. Capella says:

    I think the tide has turned. The Emperor has no clothes. The Wizard of Oz is a little old man speaking through a megaphone. Goebbles’ propaganda theory of “the big lie” depends on the possibility that nobody sees through it. But we have seen through it and we are no longer frightened by it.
    Thanks to Wee Ginger et al.

  8. alex mckechnie says:

    lets put this currency thing to bed once and for all, all needs happen is Osborne goes to the House of Commons and makes a statement on the record should he be telling porky pies then he is out on his arse lets him speak there not in some soft meeting filled with media where he can run away when asked questions but a statement of fact in the house this goes for all the other project fear bombs as well, shipbuilding, border controls, passports etcs put it on the record now.

  9. hektorsmum says:

    Never believed a word said by those I consider to be less than friendly. Love the blog, keep up the good work Paul, you put into words for us who have not got the gift.

  10. andygm1 says:

    Proud Scots but, proud Scot buts,
    Gins and tonic, gin and tonics,
    You say tomato and I say potato,
    Let’s call the whole thing off.

    The only problem with reading your column Paul is that it comes to an end all too soon. I’m just getting into my stride, nodding and smiling, when I’m brought to a juddering halt. Can you be persuaded to be somewhat more prolix?

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